My journey

Two years ago, our life as a family forever changed. I wrote these words in my journal to describe my feelings.

This weekend, we celebrated Our Life with Lane.


In the year since starting this blog, I've written a lot about my struggle with infertility - the pains of trying to get pregnant, the heartache and hurt that comes with loss, and the uncontrollable feelings of anger and jealously that I experienced.

Two years on this side tastes a lot sweeter than two years on the other.

I often get asked how I finally got pregnant with Lane and if I would do it all over again.

Yes, I would. For this babe, I would do it all over again. Right now, would I be willing to go through what I did to get pregnant? I'm not sure. However, would I go through it all over again for Lane? Yes. This absolute perfect bit of funny little babe was worth it.



Here's how I got pregnant with Lane - with the assistance and love of some wonderful friends and my amazing family.

Not really. I got my body doing what it needed to do to create a babe by going to an acupuncturist. (A very knowledgeable acupuncturist who specializes in fertility, and I pass her name along about once a month.)

I got pregnant by doing what a husband and a wife do to get pregnant.

I made it through all of that with the love and support of some of the most amazing friends. Friends who love me without expecting a thing in return. Friends who shared their children with me when I lacked my own. Friends who listened. Who laughed. Who cried too.

Sometimes, I wonder what I have done to deserve these woman as my friends. I must have done something because they have all been here for a very long time - and I don't plan on letting them go any where.



That's the positive. That's the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow. That's what I learned.

Two years later, I see it clearly. If I had not struggled then my relationship with my friends, my family and my husband would not have grown. I would not have grown.

Placing words with my love for these people is not possible - especially this man.

I love him even more now that he's Lane's papa.

But there's more ...

There's the friendships I made while trying to get pregnant. The friends who came in to my life at just the right time with similar stories.

One of those woman, who pushed her body well beyond the extremes to (unsuccessfully) get pregnant and ended up traveling to the other side of the world to bring home her Russian son, told me something I will forever carry with me:

For those of us who wish and desire to become mothers, we will all take a journey. For some, the journey will be short and quick. For others, there will be a lot of traveling. There will be unexpected delays. Turns. And bumps in the roads. Eventually, however, we will all arrive in the same place.

In the end, we will all become mothers.


Two and a half years ago, I accepted those words in to my heart and took an unexpected turn in my road, which eventually lead to Lane.

The suggestion to try acupuncture came from a work acquaintance of my parents. One afternoon, having heard of my infertility, she casually mentioned acupuncture and said she could get the name and number from someone she knew.

That kind gesture changed my life. Even better, Heather and I became friends.

For six months, I visited the acupuncturist's office once or twice a week. I walked in to her office in October with my head hanging low. For the first time in my life, I just could not see my way out of a situation.

With parents like mine, I learned early on that there was no such thing as defeat. You come across a problem and you work your way over it - or around it - or under it. You do what you need to do and you succeed.

I'd done it all my life. In college, with just two classes left, I changed my major and moved forward. A few years later, I walked away from a dysfunctional marriage after just 13 months.

I'm not one to stay at a job just because it is safe. I've left a well paying job because I wasn't fulfilled or happy. And, I've always found my self in a new job feeling challenged.

So there I was, two and a half years ago, feeling as if there was no way over this mountain. Acupuncture changed it. The acupuncturist helped me change.

I learned to respect my body, even if it wasn't doing what I wanted it to do. I learned to listen to what my body was telling me to do. I learned to enjoy the quiet. To stay still. To stop thinking so much.

I began to pay attention to my body during my daily exercise classes. I added Pilates to the mix - slow and deliberate moves. I watched my diet.

I let go of the idea of defeat.

Each cycle offered some sort of victory. A shortened cycle. Ovulation. Proper body temperatures.

In March, pregnancy. On April 3, I called the acupuncturist with the good news.



Oh, this sweet babe.

More good news came a few weeks later when we learned that Heather was expecting as well.

Her second daughter, Harper, was born just a week or so before Lane.

In the months leading up to our babes' births, we would see each other occasionally - talking pregnancy and taking those back-to-back belly shots my mom insisted we pose for.

Last week, Heather invited us for a Friday play date. I couldn't think of a better way to begin our celebration than to spend it with Heather and her two beautiful girls, Myles and Harper.


And so our weekend began. The babe wore shorts for the first time this year, and Heather and I laughed about how much he resembles my dad. We shared stories of our babes' feisty, can-do attitudes. It must be a winter 08 babe thing.

These two insisted they each be the driver of the black Little Tikes pick-up truck. Can you see Harper's hand pulling Lane out of the driver's seat in that first picture? We all shared a good laugh over that one.

We continued through the weekend filling it with his favorite things.
Playing naked on the back deck.


Visiting three parks in two days. Evening walks. Snuggling after tub time and before bed.

On Sunday morning, we filled up bowls with Easter egg dye and let the babe color his eggs.


Followed by a surprise visit from his grandparents - bringing a basket filled with goodies, including his very own wallet.

With more time spent outside playing.

To celebrate, we filled this weekend with all Lane's favorite activities. In doing so, I was reminded that quite truthfully we try to fill each day with all of Lane's favorite activities.

Playing outside. Taking walks. Enjoying sweet treats. Letting Lane explore his world.

All of these are just part of our life now that we have Lane.

Most importantly, we love one another.

Saturday night, before I took Lane in his room, Papa snuggled up close to him and whispered these words,

"I love you my boy. I had a fun time today playing with you. There's no one else I would rather be with than you and your mama. As your mama would say, enjoy your peaceful slumbers."

I need to record those words and all the feelings that blossomed in my heart at that moment in the green journal that sits by my bed - the one where I recorded those words two years ago.



Two years ago, one journey ended.

Another beautiful journey began.