Officially a mama

Nursing my eight week old babe in the back seat of the car during a day full of shopping with Stephanie and Drew.
February 7, 2009

Yesterday, I became a mama.

While pregnant, I'd heard all the warnings.

"Are you ready - ready to give all you have? Ready for sleepless nights and crying? Teething and talking back? Ready for puke and dirty diapers and spit-up stained clothes?"

Always followed with, "Are you ready to love more than you ever thought possible?"

I fell in love with Lane before I met him. I gave him my heart the moment I held him in my arms.

I felt like a mama the first time I nursed him.

In the early morning hours of December 5, 2009, a nurse wheeled Lane into our hospital room after a brief stint in the transistion nursery.

"I know you indicated you want to nurse," she said. "However, in order to get his breathing stabilized, we gave him a little formula. He's better, and probably will not want to eat for a few more hours."

In the haze of new mamahood and hurt of just having labored, I answered her with a nod and stared at my child. Lying in his little bed, wrapped tight with his eyes closed, I just looked. I did not know what to do next.

Soon, I reached for him. For the first time since his birth hours before, I had him all to myself. I held him close and smelled his head. I ran my hands down his tiny little body.

Then, he began to root. To show the most natural signs a new child can show his mama. He wanted to eat. I lacked any idea of what to do. I let Lane show me.

I whispered to a sleeping papa, "He's doing it. We're doing it."

My whisper went unanswered.

Together, with the sun's early morning rays reaching under the blinds, Lane and I shared that magical moment. Just the two of us.

And I officially felt like a mama.

Since that first night, I've put miles on the old rocker in his nursery. I've endured spit up, late nights, all nights, teethaches and earaches. I've wiped snot from my child's nose with the cuff of my shirt sleeve. I've hummed his favorite song a million times. I've changed diapers, cleaned up leaky diapers and experienced diaper-free mishaps.

I've dealt with tantrums and being told no.

And I've loved more than I've ever thought possible. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever tire of looking at Lane. Just like that first night, many times I find myself just watching him. Taking all of him in.

My heart fills bigger and better. I feel like a mama.

Yesterday, I offically became a mama.

We made it through 1 year, 4 months, 2 weeks and 3 days without puke.

Yesterday that changed.

Lane woke from his morning nap an hour early. Screams came from his crib. I walked in to his nursery and instantly saw my babe standing up and covered in it.

I picked him up. Removed his clothes. Soothed him. Took him to the tub and washed him.

Later, I removed all the puke covered items from his room. I scrubbed his crib. I sprayed his mattress with Lysol.

I did it all without hesitation. Without thought. Without care for the mess covering me.

I just acted like a mama.

P.S. Don't worry about our Hoo Bird. He feels fine. We're not sure why he got sick but he hasn't shown any other signs of feeling down. He's talking, playing, eating and sleeping. Maybe it was just time to take on that final mama milestone.