Pinch me

Last night, I dreamed I was a guest in a grand hotel. The kind of hotel where the clerk calls a bellboy to bring your belongings to your room. In this dream, my hotel room was a suite. A suite that grew in size as the bellboy brought me around each corner. In the suite, fresh fruit and flowers awaited me. It was grand. Very grand. And James and Lane were not with me.

I'm not sure why I was staying in this hotel. I think, in my dream, I worked for a company that sent me on fancy business trips. At least that is what my mind rationalizes when it is awake.

A few of my working friends have been very busy the past few weeks. They have been putting together budgets and planning festivals.

I go to bounce houses.

So, I am pretty sure that is why I dreamed of a job. I job that required I stay in a nice hotel and wear a dress.

At one part of the dream, I enjoyed a glass of wine. And my heart ached for Lane and James. I felt it, and then I heard Lane's voice. And wouldn't you know it but Papa and Lane showed up in my dream.

Lane was dressed in the green stripe shirt he wore yesterday. His face was also covered in sunscreen.

(I've got that part of the dream figured out. It has to do with a conversation Papa, Kelly and I had yesterday regarding me dorking out Lane at the swimming pool this summer. I think he should wear shoes to swim. Papa disagrees. We all laughed at the thought of me dressing Lane in shoes, a hat, one of those swimsuits with the SPF fabric and a face full of sunscreen.)

In the dream, I was elated to have my babe there with me. I could share the beauty of the room with the two I love the most.

I've thought about that dream all day. What I have determined is that my subconscious is telling me that I'm at ease with my decision to stay home with Lane and not work outside of the house.

Sure, I spend my days at bounce houses and parks. And I know that does not sound like much. But, I also know that it is all what you make it.

Yesterday, as I watched my babe marvel at his ability to step up and down off the gymnastics mat, I also watched the mother who talked on her cell phone the entire time her child played. Lane was thrilled with his ability to take a step up, walk across the mat, and then take a step down. My claps gave him ammunition to keep going and going.

As I clapped, I watched this mother run in to other children as she stared at the ground and walked around talking on her phone. I also saw her child's eyes plead for her attention.

Eventually, Lane tired of his mat marvels and moved on to another play area. There, I sat down next to another mom who looked at me with tired eyes and said, "Can you believe it is ONLY 2:30."

As if her day would never come to an end.

I politely smiled back at her. I should have said what I was thinking.

Because what I was thinking was, "No, I can't believe it is 2:30. That means we still have an entire hour to play with our friends before we head home to meet Kelly, who Lane just adores. Then Lane can play with Kelly for a while before heading up to his nap. And when he wakes from his nap, Kelly and I will be at a Pilates class - giving him an entire hour to play with papa. Hopefully, Kelly will want to stay for dinner so we can have some more time to spend with her. Sometimes there just are not enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do."

I guess it is just all in how we look at a situation, because I think getting to watch these babes grow and blossom into beautiful, curious, funny, little 15 month olds is a dream job. And someone should pinch me because the job is mine.