Papa and I don't claim to be perfect parents. In fact, we will readily admit that when we brought Lane home we knew NOTHING about parenting a babe. We were clueless. However, we were in it together.
Now, 15 months later, I still don't think we know a lot. Sure, we know what works for Lane, and we think we have done a good job, but we are working on what we know now. All of this could change tomorrow.
I think it is funny when I hear a parent go on and on about how her baby never cries, sleeps all night, goes to anyone, does everything just perfectly. Because really, seriously, your baby never cries? Your baby never wakes at night and just won't go back down? Your baby does exactly what you want all the time?
If so, you are lucky. I wasn't that lucky.
Lane cried. Lane did not sleep through the night until he was almost seven months old. Lane was clingy to me. Lane got overstimulated - easily.
We went through the "witching hour," that one hour in the evening when Lane would just cry. No amount of rocking, humming, holding, changing, or loving could do anything. He just cried.
There were phases in Lane's newborn life when he would give us six or seven hours of sleep. And then there were times when he simply would not.
Lane liked me the best. And he did not like to be overstimulated. It is just that simple.
I chose to nurse my babe and in doing so, we spent a lot of time together. If there was anywhere he wanted to be - it was right next to me. Maybe this played a part in his fears of going to other people or maybe it is just in his nature. (His papa is a very private person.) He did not like to be passed around from person to person. He would scream.
Do you want to know something? When papa and I accepted the situation for what it was and stopped trying to force something else on ourselves, Lane and others, it got better.
We would simply tell people, "He's a very clingy baby. He likes his mama and papa the best. You are more than welcome to hold him. However, he gets easily overstimulated so just take a few minutes to let him look at you and hear your voice. Then, give it a try. He might let you or he might want to come right back to us."
That simple. We stopped apologizing and did what we needed to do.
The witching hour - that stopped too. We read about it online. We talked to other parents. We learned that we just needed patience. This too, we were told, would pass. And it did.
Sleeping through the night? Well, that came with time. I never tried any kind of sleep training. I just did what I needed to do - get up at night and work my way through it - one night at a time. Eventually, Lane would wake just once for a quick feeding and then go back to bed. Over time, he started sleeping all night.
But listen, these things - crying for no reason, clinging on to me, waking at night - they all still happen.
Sometimes, Lane just cries. He is a baby. His communication skills are limited. If something is bothering him, he cries.
Going to others? Sometimes, he just won't do it. If he does not know you than he probably won't open up to you right away. If he is tired than he is going to stay right by my side.
Sleeping at night? I can say that he is a champion sleeper - a good 11 to 12 hours at night and two solid naps a day.
But, not all the time. I still hear his cries from his room once or twice a week.
Sometimes, he is cold. So, I cover him up. Sometimes, he is soaking wet. So, I change his diaper. Sometimes, he is looking for a pacifier. So, I give him one. (Because yes, I am not perfect. I still let my 15 month old use a pacifier.) Sometimes, that molar that just won't break through bothers him. So, I just hold him and rock him back to sleep.
Most of the time he goes back to sleep quickly. Sometimes, he does not.
What I am saying is there is a lot that goes on here at Allison Drive that I don't tell you about.
There are evenings when papa gets home from work and I am out the door for that one hour of much needed Pilates. Because, yes, the everyday tasks of a stay at home mama get me frazzled some times.
Sometimes, a very hard-working papa gets stressed too. Just last night, he woke me with a lot on his mind. We breathed in and out and talked our way through it.
After papa fell asleep, I thought a lot about how our actions affect Lane. How I want him to know that his parents are not perfect. How we sometimes make mistakes. How we sometimes need a break. How we sometimes just don't have all the answers.
What we are though is a family who works through our stresses and frustrations together. Sometimes, it is as simple as going outside and playing in the sun. Sometimes, it requires talking our way through it.
What it all equals is a family who can openly admit to one another that we are not perfect parents. And in our minds that is what makes us the best parents we can be at this moment in time.
In turn, we are able to spend almost all of the time we have together - together - enjoying our babe.
See even Lane isn't perfect. Sometimes, he gets food all over his face when he eats.
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