Monday I wiped snot from my son's nose. With my hands. In public.
Early last week, I could not talk to Papa on the phone because I was standing topless in my kitchen.
My white shirt covered in baby poo on the floor next to me.
My son in the sink getting hosed off.
His bottom side the cause of all the chaos.
My toes miss the feel of fresh paint and cuticle clippers.
My brows feel as if they have lost their identity - and their perfectly groomed shape.
The flat iron spends more time under the sink than it does doing its job.
Anthropologie calls out for me.
For the first four months of Lane's life, I focused on Lane.
Getting to know Lane.
Learning about Lane.
Falling madly in love with Lane.
Becoming the best mama I could for Lane.
I didn't worry about losing weight.
I didn't worry about getting groomed.
I didn't worry about those who felt I was being selfish.
I didn't leave Lane very often. When I did, I would ache.
Life as a first-time mama is exhilarating.
At the same time it is difficult.
Mostly it is wonderful.
Before I knew it, my newborn transformed into a giggling, bouncing, laughing baby.
And I transformed into a mama.
Things just seemed to work out.
One day, I stepped on the scale, and the 26 pounds I gained while pregnant had disappeared.
My long phone conversations and late night dinner and drinks with friends became texts and afternoon adventures with the babe.
Almost everyone in my life understood my need to focus on Lane during those first few months.
Just as importantly, they respect my mama choices and the person I have become.
Just as I respect the way they choose to mama - or to wife, or to friend.
Those who didn't were no longer in my life. And just as I easily shed the weight, I shed them too.
In exchange, new friends emerged. Friends, who like me, are mamas to young babes. Friends who can relate when I talk teeth, diapers, and poo.
Yet, I have not totally let go of the old me.
I still search Anthropologie.com at night after the babe goes to bed. I fill my shopping cart with all the pieces I would love to hang in my closet. Instead of checking out, I close the page.
I'm waiting for a sale. Or a special event so I can splurge.
I would rather spend my money on Lane.
Every day, he introduces me to a new aspect of motherhood.
In exchange, I offer him insight into my world. Into a world slightly altered with his existence.
Lots of times, my wonderful friends join us on our adventures.
Just as they have loved me for many years, they now love my son.
Occasionally, now that the newborn ache no longer follows me when I am away, I take a few hours for myself.
Time to be Lana, instead of Mama.
Lots of times, my wonderful friends join me.
We dress up. We dine at restaurants only suitable for adults. We sip cocktails. We window shop. We talk of traveling and old times and the future. We laugh.
Last Friday exemplified my new life.
Lane and I spent the morning with Lanna at the pool.
My love for summer sun slightly altered.
I slather my child in sunscreen.
I come equipped with pool toys, and floats, and swim diapers, and snacks.
I remain alert.
I stay in the shade and only play for a few hours.
In the evening, Tracie arrived from Savannah.
We dressed up and headed out for some shopping, dinner and drinks.
Lane stayed home with Papa.
I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Time escaped me.
I indulged.
And then I rushed home to sneak a peak at my sleeping babe.
It took a while but I think I have found it: that wonderful balance between being me and being a mama.
Now, I just need to find my way to the spa.
Early last week, I could not talk to Papa on the phone because I was standing topless in my kitchen.
My white shirt covered in baby poo on the floor next to me.
My son in the sink getting hosed off.
His bottom side the cause of all the chaos.
My toes miss the feel of fresh paint and cuticle clippers.
My brows feel as if they have lost their identity - and their perfectly groomed shape.
The flat iron spends more time under the sink than it does doing its job.
Anthropologie calls out for me.
For the first four months of Lane's life, I focused on Lane.
Getting to know Lane.
Learning about Lane.
Falling madly in love with Lane.
Becoming the best mama I could for Lane.
I didn't worry about losing weight.
I didn't worry about getting groomed.
I didn't worry about those who felt I was being selfish.
I didn't leave Lane very often. When I did, I would ache.
Life as a first-time mama is exhilarating.
At the same time it is difficult.
Mostly it is wonderful.
Before I knew it, my newborn transformed into a giggling, bouncing, laughing baby.
And I transformed into a mama.
Things just seemed to work out.
One day, I stepped on the scale, and the 26 pounds I gained while pregnant had disappeared.
My long phone conversations and late night dinner and drinks with friends became texts and afternoon adventures with the babe.
Almost everyone in my life understood my need to focus on Lane during those first few months.
Just as importantly, they respect my mama choices and the person I have become.
Just as I respect the way they choose to mama - or to wife, or to friend.
Those who didn't were no longer in my life. And just as I easily shed the weight, I shed them too.
In exchange, new friends emerged. Friends, who like me, are mamas to young babes. Friends who can relate when I talk teeth, diapers, and poo.
Yet, I have not totally let go of the old me.
I still search Anthropologie.com at night after the babe goes to bed. I fill my shopping cart with all the pieces I would love to hang in my closet. Instead of checking out, I close the page.
I'm waiting for a sale. Or a special event so I can splurge.
I would rather spend my money on Lane.
Every day, he introduces me to a new aspect of motherhood.
In exchange, I offer him insight into my world. Into a world slightly altered with his existence.
Lots of times, my wonderful friends join us on our adventures.
Just as they have loved me for many years, they now love my son.
Occasionally, now that the newborn ache no longer follows me when I am away, I take a few hours for myself.
Time to be Lana, instead of Mama.
Lots of times, my wonderful friends join me.
We dress up. We dine at restaurants only suitable for adults. We sip cocktails. We window shop. We talk of traveling and old times and the future. We laugh.
Last Friday exemplified my new life.
Lane and I spent the morning with Lanna at the pool.
My love for summer sun slightly altered.
I slather my child in sunscreen.
I come equipped with pool toys, and floats, and swim diapers, and snacks.
I remain alert.
I stay in the shade and only play for a few hours.
In the evening, Tracie arrived from Savannah.
We dressed up and headed out for some shopping, dinner and drinks.
Lane stayed home with Papa.
I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Time escaped me.
I indulged.
And then I rushed home to sneak a peak at my sleeping babe.
It took a while but I think I have found it: that wonderful balance between being me and being a mama.
Now, I just need to find my way to the spa.
Lane poolside Friday morning.
Lanna and Tracie
Me and Tracie being goofy.
Enjoying our drinks before dinner.
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