Go Chloe. It's your birthday

Yesterday, Chloe turned one.
We stopped by the Mush house to drop off her birthday present
and have a dance party.

Go Chloe. Go Chloe.
It's your birthday. It's your birthday.

We are having a dance party on your birthday!

Shake it Chloe. On your birthday.

We love you Chloe.

These little piggies

I keep this print of Lane's little piggies by my bed. I found it a few weeks after his birth stashed in with some hospital paperwork. A nurse must have stuck his tiny little foot into some ink and pressed it on paper.

I put it in a frame and placed it on my nightstand as a way to recall the night my body brought my babe in to this world.

It's a reminder of his tiny body - and beautiful little feet.

The same feet that now wear a size five shoe.

Me + Him = Lane

That's his papa's good looks mixed with my chubby cheeks. I like to think we combined the best of both of us.

Right now:
Lane is almost 14 months old.
He walks - every where.
He eats - every thing.
He has eight teeth.
He knows and uses the signs for eat, more, sleep, milk and bath.
He talks - constantly.
(Like his mama.)
He likes going to Monkey Joes.
His shorthair is his best friend.
(Like his papa.)
His can ride his Radio Flyer in a forward motion.
He wants to dance when he hears music.
(Like his mama.)
He thinks balloons are called fish.
He thinks anything that hangs from a ceiling is called a fish.
He is fascinated with how things work.
(Like his papa.)

He loves his mama and papa more than anything else.

Hide n' seek shorthair style

"This owl is fun but the shorthair is even more fun to play with."

"Mama, have you seen her?"

"Oh, you think she went this way."

"In the kitchen? No."

"I'll find her."

"Not in there."

"So close!"

"Maybe she went in to the playroom."

"Let's see."

"Nope. Not in here."

"Wait! I see her."

"Maybe next time."

Morning Chores

On Monday mornings, we wash and fold laundry.

Yes, those are my panties (clean).

And yes, those panties were on his head before I could get to the camera.

This post brought to you

by the short hair.

Who managed to find her way in front of the camera every time I picked it up today.

Conversations at our house

Mama: I think Lane is cute.
Papa: I think Lane is handsome.

Mama: I think he is funny.
Papa: I think he is smart.

Mama: I think he is stubborn.
Papa: I know he is stubborn.

A few seconds of silence.

Papa: I think Lane is perfect.

Me too, Papa. Me too.

Rainy Saturdays

are good for doing nothing, like watching football for papa; walking all over the bedroom for the babe; and reading blogs for mama. And sometimes doing nothing can be productive.

Look what mama learned today - bigger blog photos.

Photo NOT taken today.

Secrets of a stay-at-home super mom

Sometimes, I am amazed at what I can accomplish in a day: getting myself and my child dressed, three home cooked meals, cleaning, laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, sweeping, play dates, baking a sweet treat, bed making, nap wrangling, a little sewing or reading, Pilates and a whole lot of diaper changes.

Then I realize that some days end like this. A partially dressed babe. A haphazardly dressed mama. And some microwaved noodles and soft pretzels for dinner.

Made just for us

I read a beautiful story last night written by a mama remembering the moment the ultra sound tech discovered that the child growing within her - her second child, another son - had Down Syndrome. It was not the news her and her husband expected to be sharing with others when they left the doctor's office that day. They only thought of boy or girl. They were not prepared for anything other.

The mama goes on to write about her experience coming to terms with the grief of growing a child she knew would be challenged - by both his own disabilities and the judgments of others - while at the same time loving and bonding with the being growing within.

It was beautifully written, and I can't stop thinking about her final words.

No, at this point in my life, I can't begin to relate to her experiences or understand her emotions. However, I have been having a bit of my own struggle.

During those few minutes that my body rest on the table to receive the ultrasound that would reveal that I would not be delivering a baby at the end of July, I knew almost instantly that something was wrong. I went from joy to sadness. As the doctor tried a few different times to find a heartbeat, I knew in my own that only bad news would follow.

In the days leading up to the procedure, Papa and I tried to maintain a happy and healthy attitude within our home. At night, we would discuss the situation at hand. Afterward, we would continue on as we always have.

I'm trying to find a place of comfort with this loss. I'm keeping myself out of the deep cracks depression can drag you in to. I have been there before, after losing my first pregnancy, and I now know what a hard journey one has to find your way out. I've learned that I can't change this. As much as I want to be pregnant, sadness and anger will not bring it back. I won't wake up tomorrow pregnant - at least not with the baby I was carrying before.

But that is the problem. Last week's doctor's visit revealed that my body is still full of pregnancy hormones. It is hard to tell your heart to let go when your brain will not. On the flip side, all reports from the lab came back just as they should. It was no fault of my body's that this pregnancy failed, unlike my first miscarriage which occurred because my body simply was not ready to be pregnant nor did I have enough hormones to support a pregnancy. This time, it was just nature's way of letting us know that this baby should not join us here - for whatever reason.

It also offered us hope and reminded us to love what we have. Papa thinks it is easier this time because we have our Lane. I agree. We look at him with a renewed sense of love. A renewed sense of appreciation. A renewed sense of devotion to offer him the best life we are capable of providing.

And to hopefully provide a sibling to love just as much as we love him. For as much as that pregnancy - and then the news that followed - was unexpected there is joy to be found.

We already have just what we asked for. A boy who looks like his papa. Who laughs like his mama. Who insists upon having his own way. Who loves to walk and enjoys going down slides. Who is the perfect combination of both of us yet uniquely his own self. Who was made just for us.

I am not sure why I keep thinking about these words, written by Jennifer Byard, when describing her son Ben, her second of three sons. Her child with Down Syndrome.

"His tiny ears, his adorable little nose, his precious little hands, all created just for our family....Above all we’ve learned that the things in life that you would never ask for are the most joyful things of all..."

I guess it is because after the disappointing occurrences of last month, I am reminded of what an amazing gift we received when we were given Lane. I also have faith that one day we will have another child who will be perfect in every way and made just for us.

You can read Jennifer's full post here.

I remember when

Lane, January 13, 2009

A sleeping baby was so very precious - in so very many ways.

One big step for Hookind

Hoo took his first official steps on his 13 month birthday.
Since then, he has been making some great strides.

Here he is walking around with two blocks in his hands, which he will knock together, throw to the floor and then return to the block box to pick up two more blocks and continue the cycle.

Here he is walking down the hallway with Papa's sock in his hand, which he stole from a sleeping papa.

Here he is walking toward his mama.

So he can tickle, tickle, tickle her.

Here he is walking away from his mama with that look in his eyes that tells me he is plotting his next big move.

Stuffed up

One of us brought home some head cold germs early last week. All of us got it. You can tell how Lane felt about his first bought with a runny nose, sneezes and being kept inside most of the week.

Snow bird

We've been enjoying the snow here on Allison Drive.

Alone.

And with our friends.

We've pulled the babes across the backyard.

And let them try to navigate themselves.
(Although Sophia is a terrible driver.)

And when our noses get too cold, we head inside for some snacks and hot chocolate.

Hope everyone is having a happy and warm weekend.

A post for papa

There's a lot of personality crammed in that little body.
He gets it all from his papa.
I have a feeling this boy of mine is going to break a lot of hearts.

For my loves

This picture pretty much sums it up perfectly. These two make me jump for joy!

The resolutions

It is a new year. That means a new start. This year, Lane and I made a few resolutions.
(Papa opted out.)

Mama's resolutions:
1. To read at least one book a month.
2. To do 30 minutes of cardio exercise on the days I do not go to pilates.
3. To get rid of some of the extra STUFF I have around the house.

Lane's resolutions:

1. To find creative ways to incorporate items already in our home into our every day play - such as throwing dog food on to the floor. One. Piece. At. A. Time.
(See above.)

2. To learn to ride the Radio Flyer in a forward motion.

A babe can only get so far when pushing backwards.

3. To remind his shorthair every day how much he loves her - with kisses

and hugs.

(He did not resolve to stop chasing her, pulling her ears or pinching her extra neck skin.)

4. And, just added yesterday, on his 13 month birthday none-the-less, to take more than 5 steps at a time and master this whole walking thing that his mama and papa are so excited about!