I could write about the days when the diaper bag is perfectly packed with everything I need. We make it out the door with both boys dressed and looking proper. I get in a good work out. The boys both get in good naps (at the same time). I am able to do some laundry, get dinner started, sweep the floors and still have some time for myself. We spend the afternoon playing outside with minimal meltdowns. Lane eats just what I place in front of him, and Evan enjoys a plentiful flow of mama's milk that doesn't give him gas or make him spit up every 35 minutes. In the evening, Papa comes home. We spend some time as a family. We bathe the boys and get them both settled down quickly and in bed no later than 9 pm.
Those days exist. And they are actually quite lovely. Yesterday was one of those days.Today is not.
Today started at 4 am when Lane woke up - and did not go back to bed. Trying to give me a little bit of recouping time, James took him out to breakfast. Only, Evan woke right when they left. Then fell back to sleep right when they arrived home.I stole a quick shower - but never got a chance to put in my contacts, put on my makeup or even find an outfit I find somewhat flattering on this post baby, still nursing body of mine.
When Lane finally went down for a nap (remember he's been up since 4 in the morning), Evan decided to play.
Around noon, I just decided to cancel our plans for the day - walking, picnicking and park playing comes second to letting Lane get the sleep he needs.
I guess I felt kind of frustrated with the whole day, which was really just half a day.
Then, I tripped over the bouncy seat. As I pounded my fist on the counter trying my damnest not to scream out damn, I felt close to tears.
Until my sweet little boy walked up to me and requested my toe so he could give it a kiss.
"I kiss it for you, mama," he said.
And, he did.
Then, he looked over at Evan, who was happily bouncing in his seat while playing with his toes, and said, "Look mama. Bro Bro tickle his toes."
And magically, the day fixed itself. Just like that. Because moments like that are, for me, the best thing about being a mama.
*****
My boys don't care about perfectly packed diaper bags. Or a mama who rocks her pre-baby body.
They don't need big outings every day. And they for sure don't mind hanging out in their comfy clothes all day.
They don't care if we make it out the door on time. In fact, I don't think they care if we even make it out the door at all.
What they need is a mama who recognizes when they need a little time to nap and a little time to play.
****What I've learned during the last two years of my life didn't come from a book. And while I've received a lot of great advice from other mamas, much of what I practice every day as a mama simply comes from trial and error.
Most of what I've learned, my boys have taught me.
If I could sum it all up, I would say being a mama is much like today.
I can't perfectly plan out every step of our life.
I'm not always going to be at my best.
There's going to be times when I trip and fall.
But, my boys love me regardless.
****
This Mother's Day, that's all I need. The love of the two people I hold dearest to my heart.
And to eat a little chocolate and strawberry fro yo topped with sprinkles and gummy bears while sitting in the sun.
In fact, that's right where we are headed - as soon as Evan wakes up from his nap.
Maybe. We might just see where the day takes us instead.
lovely!
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