It seems silly now that while I was pregnant with Evan I actually worried about how I could possibly love another child as much as I love Lane. I guess I thought I would have to divide the love I already had among the two of them.
For all of you moms of one who wonder the same thing - and I know you do - here's the thing. You don't have to divide your love. You just have more love to give. You love your second child just as much as you love your first. Your heart finds a way.
You know what I do have to divide. My time. And for me, that has been the trickiest part of the last four weeks. I still want to shower Lane with as much love and attention as I always have - and I want Evan to get his fair share too.
There are times during the day when it is easy to put Evan in his chair and focus on Lane. And then there are other times - nursing - when I can't focus on Lane. All my attention has to be on Evan. We are kind of stuck to one another - if you know what I mean.
Lane's adjusted well. But last week, I could tell he needed some mama and me time. It seemed every time I sat down to nurse Evan, Lane would request something from me. It didn't take long to figure out it had nothing to do with him wanting milk or juice or for me to play cars.
He just wanted me.
So Friday night, I gave him some much deserved mama time. We went to one of our favorite date spots: the merry go round.
I'm going to be honest here: I looked forward to our date all day long but when it came time to get in the car and drive the 30 plus minutes to get there, I kind of just a little wanted to back out. The fast food Chinese joint close to our house almost became our date destination.
Then, I realized what I was doing was so much more than taking him to dinner and to ride the merry go round.
So, with sleepy eyes, I drove to the mall. As we walked across the parking lot, hand-in-hand, Lane saw the bright lights of the merry go round and exclaimed, "There is mama. I ride tiger and deer."
All through dinner we talked about what we would ride. Then we rode the tiger and deer until I was dizzy and couldn't stand any more.
We topped off our date with some frozen yogurt and fruit then headed home to find Papa and Evan snuggled on the couch enjoying their quiet date night.
A perfect date with my little man.